Saying Sorry Can Really Be The hardest Word

Saying sorry can really be the hardest word and often the most costliest in terms of time, money and emotion. Take the many mentioned public cases of hospital malpractice. In most of these settlements financial liability is paid out but admission of guilt is not given. This also applies to many religious abuse settlements and goes to the heart of the banking crisis and white collar crime as well. The problem with all of these cases and many more in the end is that there is no one to blame for a crime has not been officially recorded or committed. It subdues if not kills the will to change too.

The word ‘official’ has been a favorite get out of trouble card in the short term for Ireland but never the long term. You cannot realistically change any type of behaviour unless the offending behaviour is acknowledged by the accused offender even if not accepted by the offended. So the pain goes on in the absence of sorry; it goes to the heart of many social and family problems as well.

I know someone that fell out with her sister over 40 years ago. When pressed what it was about, this woman could not genuinely remember and yet her sister passed away recently without this rift ever being explored, or more importantly, healed. Why is anyone so afraid of this word ‘sorry.’ It could be argued that pride stands in the way for acknowledging that one was wrong goes against the false perception that one is perfect. If anyone was perfect it would a first sign of deep imperfection and a lot more. Social presumptions and traditions is part of the delay is saying sorry.  There is also another part of this, and that what was imagined as a wrong by one against another had been seeded in a lie by someone else for all sorts of reasons starting at random with jealousy as a motive.

There is a very true saying: ‘You can protect yourself against a thief but cannot protect yourself against a liar.’ There may be two defenses against it that can reasonable work. One is cultivating within oneself that what others think about you does not matter. The higher that discipline the more it helps, but most in reality do care what other people think to a greater or lesser degree; the optimum degree is nil. The other is saying sorry first for what is the point of being right if you cannot get along and getting along is all about compromise.

Showing feet of clay first is often a good precursor to another person showing theirs. It is anti-climatic as well as it is often wondered why it was not done earlier. Losing a good friend because either of them just could not say sorry is a reminder of life is lot more simple than that. Keeping it simple in anything and admitting you made a mistake is healthy thinking that can enact change with others and yourself first.

Barry Clifford   

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Tips For Good Living

1  Manners cost nothing

2. Treat others how you wish you be treated

3. Family comes first

4. Two wrongs don’t make a right

5. Treasure friendship

6. Save some for a rainy day

7. Don’t judge a book by its cover

8. Actions speak louder than words

9. As one door closes, another door opens

10. Laugh as often and as much as possible

11. All that glitters is not gold

12. Stay honest and keep your integrity

13. Keep an open mind

14. Never be afraid to make mistakes

15. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone

16. Look after the pennies, the pounds will look after themselves

17. Only worry about things you can control

18. It’s what’s on the inside that counts

19. Never be afraid to shed a tear

20. Always have a smile on your face

21. Out of debt, out of danger

22. Don’t speak with your mouth full

23. Listen before you speak

24. Try and see the good in everybody

25. The best things in life are free

26. Practice makes perfect

27. There is a light at the end of every tunnel

28. Make time for your favourite things

29. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

30. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know

31. Love unconditionally

32. Seize the day

33. You have to be cruel to be kind

34. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect others to

35. Forgive others so that you may be forgiven.

36. Always go with your gut instinct

37. Live everyday like it’s your last

38. Be somebody’s reason to smile

39. Don’t burn your bridges

40. Time is a great healer

41. You only regret what you didn’t do

42. Never let your fears get in the way

43. Don’t count the days, make the days count

44. Strive for the best

45. Put your best foot forward

46. A picture paints a thousand words

47. The early bird catches the worm

48. Keep your head up and your heart strong

49. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

50. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back

51 It is better to get along than be right

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The Real Ian Paisley

 In today’s world people cannot say in public comments that are likely to incite racial hatred, prejudice or other inducements for hate and violence, and for reasons that are understandable. Yet for over sixty years one man did these things, Ian Paisley, and that for most of his 88 years on this Island he preached hatred with impunity, unaccountability, and wide support within the confines of a gerrymandering majority in a country where they were the minority, and that was the Ulster Unionists. Here It was not black man against white man, nor Muslim against Christian, but Christian against Christian and Irishman against Irishman; and when Paisley finally did the only decent thing in his life, which was to leave this mortal coil, everyone lauded him as a man of peace and not the political grim reaper who finally gave way against the tide of a new world that all but threatened to drown Ulster Unionism within the borders of the EU, and the borderless countries within it.

That clergyman of hate encouraged murder that became murder, encouraged prejudice that became prejudice, for he was the vile speaking leader and cleric that Unionists looked up to like mindless sheep walking in unison to the sound of the goose steps of Nazi’s driven by cloned brains where their own individual thoughts drowned within the chorus of the mob without dissent or reflection. That reflection would come in Ireland only when they knew the game was up just before and after Ian Paisley did and not one minute later than needed.

He once said about the ‘other’ Irishmen that shared the same island as him that they breed like rabbits and multiply like vermin. That was in 1969 and he was not a young man then trying to find himself but one aged 43 years old. He would get worse with age. By the 1970’s and 80’s we were classed as sodomites and line dancing was sinful and an incitement to lust (He actually sounded like an old Catholic there) This was his lighter moments. He also believed that terrorists only came from the south of the country yet classed himself and unionists as cool, determined loyalists to the crown who would never surrender. He shielded and defended at will the alphabet soup of all loyalist terror groups in Northern Ireland under that umbrella of ‘no surrender’ to make sure that their determination would endure, and it did for another hobbling, blood splattered time, that was in the end running out of road without direction. Many Loyalist paramilitaries said that they would never have become involved in violence had they not been inspired by the hate-filled rants of Ian Paisley, and by that they meant they murdered in his name.

It was Paisley’s ego that delayed the inevitable for his ego was bigger than a united Ireland long before it could ever hope to be one. Much like George Wallace, the 1960’s rabid racist  Governor of Alabama, and a man for both their times, changed only when forced to but were one and the same person in every other extreme.

Paisley once said “Never, never, never” to a United Ireland and to any kind of political compromise, as Wallace said “Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever.”  When only the world itself had passed them by and it became political expedient for both, Paisley said that he would never deny that he was an Irishman, while Wallace said that though he looked like a white man he was as black as anyone in the room, a room full of black people.

What was missing from both these racial and religious bigots was the moral backbone and strength to stand up against the mob when it was needed most. What united them both too was that they themselves became part of the mob that fueled it all.

When the political hand wring and crocodiles tears stop flowing for Ian Paisley, his life time legacy of hate will far outweigh his feigned dotage in his last years as little more than his attempt to have history give him a lasting epitaph as a man of peace than the murdering, war mongering bigot that he really was.

Barry Clifford