The Elbib book

Once upon a time there was a man who suffered from terrible delusions, and who told tall tales and made rules for the few that believed him. These guys handed down the strange stories to others and over several generations the reference book for the fairytales came to be known as The Elbib.’

The Elbib book

It was claimed to be the last and final words from the original delusional one, who was homophobic and racist among other things, and of course his equally delusional followers did not think that he was in this state of mind at all. 

He did not care much either for those with tattoos or had a propensity for fortune- tellers, and non-virgins before marriage were positively looked down upon, and it was seen as a good thing just to stone them to death in this exact manner: ‘Then they shall bring out the woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones until she is dead.’ 

If you have had your private parts cut off by an angry wife or lose them in battle, you are not wanted in this tribe either: ‘He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his private member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation…’  

For the lippy children that curse their parents: they do not fare much better in this book either I'm afraid, or at least they should be afraid: ‘And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.” 

Working on Sunday can be quite fatal as well: ‘Ye shall keep the Sabbath therefore for it is holy unto you. Every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death.’

The other fact is that when not following the rules, which also excludes ham sandwiches and sea food, can be very bad for your health; while speaking in church, consulting physics, getting divorced can be positively detrimental for it too.

One way or the other, you are damned if you do and definitely damned if you don’t.

I do not know if just one person reading this is an Elbib thumper, who is frustrated in life and/ or has actually read it at all, but one thing I do know is: that The Elbib book has all the above rules which would frustrate the most benign and righteous among us. 

The ELBIB book is also the BIBLE spelled backwards. 

Barry Clifford