John Waters: A prisoner of the State

                                                              John Waters going to prison

John Waters, former scribe for the Irish Catholic, then the Irish Times and is now with the Irish Independent, tries to re-invent himself again, and this time as a light hearted writer. This is no easy task for a dour and sad religious zealot who believes that there is no such thing as depression, with a hopeless sense that he is last word which puts him at least on a par with God, and considers himself that he is the moral voice for the people as he tells us in his headline piece on today’s Independent that “everyone should spend time behind bars- if only to appreciate their freedom.”

Then he preaches that he has ‘spent time’ behind bars, his preamble meant as a parable to enlighten us as to what that has meant to him and what it should mean to us. His 90 minutes of incarceration was the result of him not paying a parking fine, and it was cheaper to go to jail and have the bill land on the taxpayer than pay it himself. This included legal bills, his transport there, police and warden manpower and meals, just so he could save money while being martyred and get free publicity all at the same time.

Since that time it seems he has been cultivating revenge of sorts against the man he feels is responsible for having put him there, the Dublin City Manager. A lot can happen in 90 minutes and it can make an idle mind believe that he has changed the course of history in Ireland, believing among another things that he should take some credit for the drop in people sent to prison for the non-payment of court ordered fines since his publicity stunt.

He tells us he had a few laughs in the cell not withstanding he had no key to get out with his cellmates. The ride there was pleasant, in fact everything was that way. Even the door to the prison looked like any door to any well- heeled hotel. The reality was, it was more like a hotel than a prison on the other side of the door as well. But there was marked differences mind you.

Like a warden going through your stuff, and if you had silk panties in there or bondage equipment, then you might just feel as if you were coming home. John expected to at least stay overnight but I don’t thing the State was amused, so their agony in his company was mercifully reduced to that all precious 90 minutes. John though considers that time there to be his badge of honor and at least he knows now where his citizenship begins and his liberty ends. Ah yes, John Waters: a prisoner of the State.

He does like to massage the figures with what he claims it cost the State/taxpayer, as in the €145 he saved in that 90 minutes, which worked out according to the Waters version, €100 an hour without the cents. In fact it cost over €7000 in the round to put him up in that restricted Hotel California, not including the €145. And to think that John also wrote a book called, The Intelligent Persons Guide To A Modern Ireland, though I believe he was only really referencing himself in the third person. There is also talk that he is working on The Bible, The John Waters version. I can only pray that it isn’t true.

Barry Clifford