I became a little miffed today that yet another letter from
my bank was telling me that my mortgage was in arrears. Reminding me that they
had wrote already, their carefully worded letter carried veiled threats of legal
action and loss of protection, privileges and common courtesy. It was in my
best interests apparently to do something about it or else. Alarmed, I called the bank hoping to
talk to a real person.
After the usual menu of taped voices, an actual dial tone
sounded and I was talking to a real person, well, sort of…….. After asking who
was the author of the scribble written on the letter, the ‘real person’ told me
that that was just a computer generated letter. He became rather defensive when
I asked him surely it took a human to enact or delete this message. Without
losing stride in his computer generated personality, he asked me calmly would I
be in a position to pay the arrears. I, rather frustrated at this stage, told
him that it was his companies mistake or was he just joking all along. The
absence of any emotive response told me that he was waiting for further
instructions from cyber space.
In order to make amends for this damming mistake on both our
parts, though me to a lesser extent, I offered a monthly payment plan that
seemed to me to be fair and balanced which was to be paid over 12 months. At
that point agreement could not be reached for the ‘ real person’ may have felt
I was now having a joke at his expense, which is about the only expense that
may be free from a bank. His voice trailed off and the call ended. The total
amount that I owned the bank was the grand total of €0.38 cents or thirty eight
cents exactly.
Barry Clifford
Off with his head!
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