Barry Clifford: Passive Aggression

I knew a man once who had a rather nasty pit bull who only answered to one man and that was to him. One day while in company with him and the pit bull a guy we both knew recoiled in front of the dog as it strained on the leash with fury in his eyes and a bark that heralded impending doom. Trevor asked the man with barely concealed glee was he afraid of the dog, suggesting the man was a coward along with being terrified. The insult found its mark as the man departed in a hurry. I rounded on Trevor and told him that that was a bad choice of words to use against the man for it suggested that he was a coward for just being rightly alarmed at this vicious pit bull. The penny dropped for it was only when I said that did Trevor realize what he had done and a simple message was passed to a good friend young enough to be my son. Since then, now ten years ago, I have been aware that passive aggression is everywhere and often hidden so well that it is barely noticeable.  

In Ireland, begrudgery, small mindedness, and jealousy is normally the adopted parents of passive aggression, though it is a universal pastime. The people who use passive aggression as a blood sport are less than you think and to the friends that they don’t have. 

One example is when someone asks are you working while knowing you are not, or tells you that your house is too small for the beautiful kitchen you just put in which you slaved to save to do it, or opines with false humility the destruction of an honest man trying make a decent living. One man told me as I enjoyed a beautiful clear day that winter would not be long now coming, though I think in hindsight that he was his own victim of negative thinking. While admiring a mans success recently of building his business from scratch another said to me that he got it soft while suggesting he got the land for free and money to do the essentials as well. There is a remedy of course for passive aggressive, sort of anyway.

It is always best to hide in open view, have a good yet busy life, tell the truth and always keep your word. Sooner or later people will know the difference between that which is a lie and what is the truth, and the passive aggressions of one’s nature will only be left to tell it to the trees and they are normally too busy to care anyway.

By Barry Clifford