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Saturday, May 10, 2014

A Very Important Electoral Message From Edvard Hund

Many thanks for your support

Firstly my i commend you on you bravery in Supporting a Gurrier Terrier .... that took guts kid!

Apologies for the delaying in replying; the moon is in Uranus and I spent a good while barking at it these last few nights.

A brief history that explains my mission.

.......My sister gave birth in the street to five lovely pups this time last year. She got done for littering in public, which just wasn't fair, and probably got me started in politics - I just felt I had to do something about this. Stand on my own four feet for what is right! Granted, my sister is a thoroughbred bitch, but this wasn't on. Those little pups turned 7 last week; they'll be 10 in August, and they deserve better. Politics is a dog eat dog business and people say I'm barking mad to get involved, but I've been led around by people for too long- The dogs in the street will tell you that!

My manifesto includes the following:

- more transparent pricing policy on pet foods in supermarket multiples. Cat food consistently gets better shelf coverage and better pricing. This makes cat ownership more attractive and discriminates against dogs (and other consumers of dog food).

- an end to the portrayal of dogs as stupid, hungry layabouts on TV and elsewhere. Scooby-doo is a disgrace; he sold out the good name of the noble Great Dane for some snacks and a bit of fame. If elected, I will seek to redress this perception of dogs through better, more balanced cartoons.

- better screening of those seeking to study veterinary medicine. Any applicant with fingers larger than a standard Denny sausage will be barred from training or practising as a vet. As a transitional measure, existing practising vets with large fingers will be confined to examining the front end of all small animals (except cats).

- an end to the "pooper-scoope"r policy. Dogs have a right to poop where they wish without fear of reprisal. I am supported in this by numerous 'shoe-cleaner' product manufacturers who have seen their business decline in recent years due to a lack of good quality, well camouflaged dog shit in the streets.

- likewise, with regard to "arse-sniffing"; it's part of our culture and an entitlement. I would like to extend the sniffing policy to cover the sniffing of arses of all species.

- justice for my cousin Spotty Hund who was kicked in the arse at the back of a pub by a drunk who though he was a one-eyed monster walking backwards. Spotty developed complications as a result, including a half a haemorrhoid - which isn't a whole pile - and now he looks like a bulldog when he tries to move his bowel.

- registration of the "Gurrier Terrier" (TM) as a recognised pedigree breed with the Irish Kennel Club (Gadharchumann na hEireann).

Must dash, as we are going out looking for the man who shot my Paw