Saying Sorry Can Really Be The hardest Word

Saying sorry can really be the hardest word and often the most costliest in terms of time, money and emotion. Take the many mentioned public cases of hospital malpractice. In most of these settlements financial liability is paid out but admission of guilt is not given. This also applies to many religious abuse settlements and goes to the heart of the banking crisis and white collar crime as well. The problem with all of these cases and many more in the end is that there is no one to blame for a crime has not been officially recorded or committed. It subdues if not kills the will to change too.

The word ‘official’ has been a favorite get out of trouble card in the short term for Ireland but never the long term. You cannot realistically change any type of behaviour unless the offending behaviour is acknowledged by the accused offender even if not accepted by the offended. So the pain goes on in the absence of sorry; it goes to the heart of many social and family problems as well.

I know someone that fell out with her sister over 40 years ago. When pressed what it was about, this woman could not genuinely remember and yet her sister passed away recently without this rift ever being explored, or more importantly, healed. Why is anyone so afraid of this word ‘sorry.’ It could be argued that pride stands in the way for acknowledging that one was wrong goes against the false perception that one is perfect. If anyone was perfect it would a first sign of deep imperfection and a lot more. Social presumptions and traditions is part of the delay is saying sorry.  There is also another part of this, and that what was imagined as a wrong by one against another had been seeded in a lie by someone else for all sorts of reasons starting at random with jealousy as a motive.

There is a very true saying: ‘You can protect yourself against a thief but cannot protect yourself against a liar.’ There may be two defenses against it that can reasonable work. One is cultivating within oneself that what others think about you does not matter. The higher that discipline the more it helps, but most in reality do care what other people think to a greater or lesser degree; the optimum degree is nil. The other is saying sorry first for what is the point of being right if you cannot get along and getting along is all about compromise.

Showing feet of clay first is often a good precursor to another person showing theirs. It is anti-climatic as well as it is often wondered why it was not done earlier. Losing a good friend because either of them just could not say sorry is a reminder of life is lot more simple than that. Keeping it simple in anything and admitting you made a mistake is healthy thinking that can enact change with others and yourself first.

Barry Clifford